What right do I then have to externalise any of the experiences I have and put them outside of the I AM. If I am a result of my experiences, then surely the experiences I have are part of me.
If my experiences and I are indistinguishable, then what are the dramas that are being played out all about? They are not about what someone else does, thinks or neglects to do. It is all about what I feel about the experiences I have. I am ok with everything, or so I say, but then I let myself experience things that trigger an emotional reaction within me. And I am thankful. I am thankful to see that I can challenge myself and have the chance to work on myself, accepting the scope of reality as it is. I am thankful that there are things that allow me to experience the game of life as if I were something separate from it. Connected, but not identical to it. It is in these moments I get lost in duality. But with one foot outside of it, still realising that it is still myself I am observing. But to be affected by things give me a drive to do something about them. Accepting and embracing duality.
There is one aspect of me that triggers me more than anything, it takes many forms but the core remains. It was a mystery, but I now see it clearly. It is when I am not seen for what I truly am by the aspects of me that I love. Or in dual terms, it is when someone that is dear to me paints on their image of who I am onto my skin, and when that image fits me ill.
In these situations I talk to the person, or if we are again to transcend duality in our wording, these are the situations where the observing aspect of myself and the aspect in conflict connect and exchange information. Detached from emotion I am able to integrate both views and accept them and see them both as true.
The synthesis of this acceptance will then enable me to move on in life. Still within the scope of duality sure, but enough experiences in transcending similar situations opens up a path in consciousness to allow it to happen before conflict arises. To allow reality to flow effortlessly in front of the observing aspect, to see that there is no inherent conflict, the conflict comes when I do not accept what is. The non-acceptance is the conflict, every single time.
But what do I do when the image of my inner conflict will not meet or talk about the conflict. Do I have to resolve that conflict completely ‘within’, without the aid of the incarnated trigger to my own drama? Can I resolve it without seeing the person face to face, without talking to them? If I choose to not be bothered and not care about the avoidance of confrontation, do I not then feed into that very drama?
I am then agreeing to not resolving, and my trying to resolve is then met with silence that further my own reaction. This is however where I have the chance to end the spiral experience. I cannot choose to end their behaviour, but I can choose to continue trying to resolve it, but without feeling attachment to the result. Their listening or non-listening, their feeding their incorrect image of me does not have to affect my own behaviour. In fact that is where the problem the trigger is showing me lies, me limiting myself based on perceived external circumstances. The way for me to end their triggering behaviour is to choose to not be triggered by it, and this in turn happens when I see it for what it is, something within, a non acceptance. A non acceptance of the non accepting part of the experience that I am.
But I know why I am doing what I am doing, I choose to be aware of this. I do not see the entire process as it happens at all times, because I am fragmented over time and space. Sometimes the root lies deep and hidden. But I know that the essence of me, the undivided me knows, so I am true to what I know and trust that what I know and do in the moment is part of a larger action, the larger being that I am. Not just this time-slice of who I appear to be in any given moment but the entirety of who I am and what I am experiencing. The part that trusts that this other part of me triggering me, is the very same part of me helping me to transcend the reaction. In this view I can feel only Love for that very same experience that once triggered another emotional reaction.
So their reaction to me acting out my truth will not make me withhold myself, as this would further the act of them not viewing me for what I am as I would not be showing who I am. So the way to communicate and resolve the issue at hand then seems simple; know what I am and be true to it. Be truth. Act truth. Because In truth I am not conflict, I do not have personal issues. No, in truth I AM. In truth I AM.
I AM what I AM, but when I let what I think I am obscure the Light from who I AM, I confuse the shadows of my mind with what really is, and I am stuck in the shadow world that will ever only be able to produce yet another door, but never an exit. The only way out is by turning towards the Light and let all the walls that I had built around myself with the help of fear and ignorance burn in the Light of Truth. But knowing this I can stay, I can choose to stay and I can choose what figures I let my mind produce on the wall of creation, intentionally and without fear. I turn on the light to see there is no monster under the bed and I turn it off again and to go back to sleep, sleeping safely and dreaming wonderful dreams.
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